miniature disasters and minor catastrophe's

My birthday's on Wednesday. No idea what to do for it.

Any ideas?

Halloween was so much fun. I had a blast. It was really nice to have a night without the baby. I mean don't get me wrong, I really love my kid and all but yeah a night out was really nice. Not having to worry about him. And I didn't even call my parents that many times. I trust them to spoil the poor thing rotten. Though this means that it's almost time for Thanksgiving. I wonder if my parents are going to want to have Thanksgiving together.

Harri, maybe you should invite your dad. And Duncan, you'd totally be invited too.

[Harri]
We should totally set Duncan up with some nice single lady friend of ours and make him invite her to Thanksgiving.
[/Harri]

Or maybe we should have Thanksgiving dinner at our house, and just make everyone come there instead or something. Thoughts? Or am I thinking too early about all of this?

It's almost time for Fourth of July. What is everyone up to? I'm a bit curious. I've obviously never been a fan of fireworks. I don't really get them. People tell me all the time it's a bunch of bright lights, but well considering, I'm not sure what all the fuss is about. However, I suppose we'll be bringing the little one to see them. I know Harri likes them too.

I hope he doesn't get scared. I can't believe he's almost 5 months old already. And soon it will be our wedding anniversary. How does time fly by so quickly?

Every day I keep telling myself to talk to the doctor about putting my name on the list to get new eyes, but I can't seem to get myself to do it and I don't know why.

I have never wanted a full night's sleep more in my life. I can't really complain though, except I will. Babies are so much work. It makes me really impressed with all the single parents who do all of this by themselves. You all are amazing. I don't think I could do it by myself. I'm so very lucky to have Harri.

Okay, so I promised that I wasn't going to talk about the baby the whole time. Everyone's been really quiet. So what's up with all of you? Come on, good things, bad things. I'm sure something's going on. People have lives right?

Things have been so .. hectic and yet peaceful around here. I think I've finally got my parents to stop coming over every day to check on me and Danny. It was nice, but I like having it just the two of us when Harri's back at work. It's getting easier to take care of him, but it's still bugging me.

Bugging me that there could be something wrong and I wouldn't know because I can't see him and if he's not making noise I don't know if he's just being quiet or something's wrong. That's the part that keeps driving me crazy. I don't know how other blind parents do it. I guess they learn to trust themselves. I trust myself, but it's still so hard.

How are the rest of you?

Oh god.

Either I so just peed myself.. or..

I think my water just broke.

How do you tell if your water broke?

I'm due in little more than a week. A week, oh my god. I think I'm starting to get nervous. I mean not like nervous like my water broke or anything just wow. I'm about to have a baby. A real life actual baby and it's going to be ours and I'm going to be a mom. I need.. I don't know what I need. I think I need cake. Cupcakes. With lots of frosting.

Or something.

And ice cream. Chocolate chip ice cream.

Most of the time I don't feel sorry for myself. If I did, I wouldn't ever get out of the spiral. I like to be optimistic. Lots of things could be worse. And lots of things are really good. I have the best husband in the world, and I'm getting ready to have a baby.

I don't wish I was able to see. Not really, I haven't ever thought like that. I never had my sight so I don't know what I'm missing. There was never any point to complain or wish for anything different.

But now that the baby's coming, I wish I could see him. I haven't really admitted this to anyone, not even Harri, and most definitely not myself. Not until now. It's a stupid wish because it's not like I'm going to miraculously see. I just want to be able to see my baby. Maybe I'm just having hormone issues. Once he's born it will either get worse or better, but I won't know until it happens. I wouldn't ever love him any less of course.

I just figured I'd say it now and not look back in .. so many years and deny I ever had those feelings.

It's official, I can no longer see my feet.

That's a joke by the way. I couldn't see my feet before I got pregnant either. It's January and 2009. Does that seem surreal to anyone else? Like it was just, I dunno. It seems like every year goes by even quicker then the first last one. I'm almost ready to have this baby and I'm not even sure that I'm ready.

We've got the nursery mostly set up, so that's one thing down. And I've got someone coming to look at my home security system.

Also I'm very tired of winter. It can stop being cold any time now. Ugh.